Change your story, change your life

Most of what we experience and expect is coloured and shaped by the stories we tell ourselves. If your manager asks you a question, she’s micromanaging. If you feel sad, the situation must be sad. If people are laughing, they’re laughing at you. If your family is overweight, being overweight is your destiny. If a friend gives you a look, he’s annoyed by you. 

There is no way to know for sure unless you ask – and trust the answer – but this may only be helpful with friends. A more practical approach is to simply notice when you might be making an assumption, when you’re thinking something subjective, not based on facts, so you can stop, slow down, and analyze realistically – rather than becoming the querulous colleague people avoid at work.

CBT Framework

If it helps, you might choose to take action to problem solve, like discussing with your manager about the management style that works best with you or building healthy habits to prevent becoming overweight. As Cy Wakeman states in HR Magazine, “Your accountability, not your circumstances, determines your happiness.”

The stories we tell ourselves affects our well-being, relationships, and performance. We owe it to ourselves to give unhelpful thoughts a reality check, look to positive stories for inspiration, and take action.

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11 thoughts on “Change your story, change your life

  1. Oh, thanks. I am glad it did resonate with you

    Indeed I began the concluding mind, a few weeks back, but then other ones popped up.
    Here is the paragraph draft, I notice you like writing. If you like we can co-author this one together.
    If you like connect with me on Linkedin – I check that more often.

    6. Concluding-Mind
    Jack Welch in his article on innovation puts it this way “in so many companies today, everyone defaults to thinking, “Innovation… Einstein. Edison. Jobs.” “That’s for somebody else, some genius.” The word just scares the bejesus out of everyone. “I can’t innovate. I can’t come up with a new theory of relativity or a new light bulb or a new iPad. I’ll leave that for the crowd over there to do.” That’s all the wrong headset, he suggests.
    While our conclusions about innovation certainly seems to be inadequate, the sad truth is that our conclusion or default mode of thinking about ourselves – about the sense of who we are is equally, fundamentally – even a more a wrong headset. …

    Like

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