Morning Brew

yum, whipped coconut cream… trying this tonight!


Coffee 2I first fell in love with coffee when I was 15 and sort-of attending an alternative highschool.

It was one of those self-paced storefront places for square pegs & hoodlums.

I was both.Morning brew

There was always cheap ground coffee & lots of coffee-mate powder, so we’d show up, brew coffee & drink multiple pots of it until we were so disregulated that we could hardly walk.

Then we’d lie around on the floor laughing hysterically.

The teachers at that school were saints.

Later, I cut out all caffeine because I was pregnant. Or breastfeeding. For most of my twenties.

I love coffee. But there’s been this pattern:

I drink coffee. Work and life are stressful. I drink more coffee. It causes anxiety. My stress levels get out of control and then I quit.

For a while.

Then it starts again. My co-workers know this pattern well.

But I think I’m…

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Sugar-free & Testing Dairy

I decided to try dairy: cheese in my lunch salad and plain yogurt with blueberries for dessert. I’m not certain of cause and effect, but I’m more, shall we say, phlegmy and burpy. It also led into eating more berries and sugar-free dark chocolate than I would have liked so I’m going to go awhile without dairy and try it again later to see if I have the same “symptoms”. That’s the update!

Sugar-free for 10 days, baby!

Well, I’ve accomplished the 10 days without sugar as I set out to do! I was hopeful I’d feel a lot better by now, but years of sugar overload and current issues with stress management are suspected obstacles. I think my congestion is better, but not gone. I may be the tiniest bit more resilient because I persevered through some tough days at work, but the fatigue and headaches are as heavy as ever. I think my skin is clearer…

I told myself I could indulge Wednesday night after the 10 days. I thought this might be a test to see if I can handle a weekly sweet treat with added sugar. I also thought this could be something of a carb refeed because I’ve read women can be especially sensitive to low carb. I bought strawberries, coconut cream, and I already had sugar-free dark chocolate. I had a good portion but decided to have another… and then another. And then I dove into the Brazil nuts. I ate too much but at least it was high quality food. I’m going to try for a few weeks to make this indulgence meal work for me.

By the way, I got really excited reading The Migraine Miracle by Josh Turknett when he mentioned always being thirsty despite drinking a lot of water – beside headaches, this has worried me since puberty. I’m excited to have a possible answer: it may be a sign of disordered homeostatic regulation, or in other words, a malfunctioning hypothalamus. The book states the hypothalamus is the likely source of migraines. It’s expecting the body to act as it has for most of human history, i.e. hunter-gatherers sleeping and waking with the sun, but instead we demand more from it to balance our blood sugars despite sending them on a roller coaster with the way we eat nowadays.

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Blackberry~Vanilla Ice Cream Bites

I’m going to have to try this!


This weekend has been momentous in 2 ways:

  1. My #3 kid went camping with her friends. With minimal adults. For the first time.
  2. I used up the last of the frozen blackberries I picked last summer.

Both events are poignant. Associated with loss. Suffused with joy and gratitude.

Through last winter and into this spring I have been grieving for my children’s childhoods. For all the times I was too busy trying to keep us afloat to be with them.

I grieve, even as I am full of pride to be associated with the people they have become. Are becoming.

And as we creep toward the long hot days when bucketloads of blackberries will once again be ready to pick for the freezer, I’m also already anticipating summer’s decline.

Coconut CreamAs summer comes, it also ends.

Brené Brown calls the sense of loss that is intertwined with what we love and…

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